It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I need a beard to bite.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
