I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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