saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
