Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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