one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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