Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
You are a booty call, not a friend.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
