i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize