so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
there is puke in my bra ... again
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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