just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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