Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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