we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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