I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
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