Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
