I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
