Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
