Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
