Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize