weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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