soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I just want nice things and good sex
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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