1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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