An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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