Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
You've changed since you got that strap on
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize