I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Randomize
