as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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