I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
