even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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