I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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