This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
