I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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