You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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