So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize