I love black thongs
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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