I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize