im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
