whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
