if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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