somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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