I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
