Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
