i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
