I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
