you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
