So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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