Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Randomize
