Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Randomize
