I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
What happened to fro yo and sex?
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize