Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
