If that was your dad, he is hot
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
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