So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
