By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
It's official drugs can't kill me
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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