i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
