im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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