That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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