Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
