It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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