We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
