Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
