rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
