Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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