i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
