Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I would fuck him just for his dog
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
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