lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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