My sheets look like a crime scene.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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