that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
