i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
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