I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
