Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
