Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
