Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
