I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Randomize