Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
