we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
