I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
We just shotgunned beers for America
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
