oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize