I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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