don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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