obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I intend to get homeless drunk
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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