He passed out mid-signature
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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