Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
