Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Randomize
