Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
