i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
