what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize