Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
