Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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