Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
