Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
