Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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