I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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