i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
You pole danced in your parka.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
