so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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