That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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