Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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