Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Pooping to opera.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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