i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
