He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Randomize
