On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
