But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
