The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
