i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
We're too hungover to prance.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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