who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
