Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
