So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
