Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
