A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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