there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Randomize
