He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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