dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
