would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
