Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize
