Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
