oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
