can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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