Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
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